TDC Family Law
  • Home
  • PRACTICE AREAS
    • Divorce
    • Spousal Support
    • Child Support
    • Child Custody
    • Visitation
    • Complex High Asset Divorce
    • Contempt of Court
    • Paternity
    • Mediation Coaching
    • Alternative Dispute Resolution - Mediation and Collaborative Divorce
    • Parenting Coordination
  • Bio
    • Certified Family Law Specialist
    • What to Expect
  • Blog
  • FAQ
    • What does the area of Family Law cover?
    • Things To Do After a Divorce is Finalized
    • Annulment
    • Attorney Fee Awards in California
    • Community Property
    • Difference Between Guardianship and Adoption
    • Difference Between Marriage and Domestic Partnership
    • Difference Between Physical and Legal Custody
    • Divorce Process in California
    • Domestic Violence
    • Go to Court for Spousal or Child Support
    • Legal Grounds for Divorce in California
    • “Move Away” After Divorce
    • No Fault Divorce
    • Parenting Plan
    • Residency Requirements for a Divorce in California
    • Summary Dissolution
    • Supervised Visitation
    • The impact of the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act (TCJA) of 2017 on Divorce
    • What does it mean to have a fiduciary relationship to your spouse?
    • What is a Request for Order Hearing?
  • Resources
  • Contact

TDC FAMILY LAW BLOG

Kids and Holiday Traditions

11/27/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
​In a previous post, we discussed getting through the holidays as a parent newly divorced with your children splitting time between yourself and your ex.  You should also know that the difficultly of the holidays not only also extends to your ex, but also to your children.  They are used to celebrating all together.  The holidays have changed and so, too, have the traditions surrounding the holidays.

When it comes to traditions around the holidays, nobody likes change, least of all children who rely on those traditions to reinforce their versions of reality and stability. 

This is not only difficult for young children, but also for older, or even adult children who are now adapting to this change in their lives.

If the kids look forward to visiting their maternal grandparents at Christmas only to find that their divorcing parents have arranged a different schedule for everyone, it could be quite unsettling.

For the little ones…

Focus on fun!  Seriously, all those little rituals that you and your ex created throughout your marriage can be considered those ghosts of Christmas past.  Some of them can be saved…making cookies, decorating a tree, watching Claymation holiday movies on Christmas eve.  All are easy enough to replicate … but some of the minute details will have to be altered, and you better believe those kids will notice!  Not using the special snowflake cookie cutter that you all bought on vacation one year?  What about Grandma’s angel is always on top of the tree?

You can’t compete with that kind of history, so don’t even try.  Please remember, you are not trying to “win” the holiday competition with your ex.  You are trying to make the divorce easier on your children who love both of their parents and feel the change in family dynamics deeply.  What you do want is to add some new little touches to some old traditions and some altogether new customs for those kids to remember.

In this spirit, may we suggest enlisting the help of your children in picking out these new additions to their holiday celebration?  Taking a tot to the Holiday store to pick out new cookie cutters or special ornaments is a great way to get them invested in making this time work.  Little Mandy is far more likely to look forward to making those cookies if she gets to use the sprinkles and snowflake shapes she picked out herself! 

Similarly, getting a new angel for the tree is not about to compete with the one that has been in your former spouse’s family for generations, so just pick something else.  Make it something different, fun, whimsical, and (the younger the child) sparkly! 

Put every kind of thought you have about “taste” and “design” straight out of your mind and focus on what will merely make your children smile … or even giggle.  When all else fails, laughter is what you are aiming for.

Adult Children…still children

Up until the time when they have families and children of their own, your adult children still share the same idealized memories of holidays past that the little ones do.  The only difference is they have had a longer time to coat those recollections with the shiny, happy glaze of nostalgic goodness.  They will rely on their parents to maintain those traditions. 

Therefore, when divorce occurs, even though your “kids” have a car and mortgage payments, go on expensive vacations, and must find a place to house their pets, you will still have to deal with the emotional fallout.

They will be saddened when they think of all those great holidays of yore, sure that “nothing will ever be the same”.  They may be resentful for how your divorce will affect them. If they take a selfish view of the situation as an adult, it may be time for a serious discussion. You have spent their entire lives shielding them from pain and uncomfortable situations, but it is time for them to realize that you must also take care of yourself. Sometimes that means making hard decisions that affect the whole family.

After the serious discussion, the final answer is the same as it was with the younger kids.  It is time to make new traditions, however with adult kids, these traditions can be more adult in nature as well.  Take a trip.  Go on vacation.  Get away for a few days and let that be the new tradition.
​
Making new traditions can be an exciting and necessary step to enjoying the holidays in the present. Make new memories to enjoy in the future.  Turn this obstacle into an opportunity to start fresh.  Start something new and when the holidays come around again, you will be excited for all of the new traditions you have created.
0 Comments

    Archives

    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    August 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016

    Categories

    All
    Child Custody
    Children
    Divorce
    Parenting Time
    Technology
    Teenagers

    RSS Feed

Search TDC Family Law

Find us on FACEBOOK
Find us on GOOGLE
10.0Tracy Duell-Cazes
Tracy Duell-CazesReviewsout of 10 reviews
Law Pay Logo
© 2021 TDC FAMILY LAW  All Rights Reserved.
Disclaimer - Privacy Policy 
1530 THE ALAMEDA, SUITE 108
SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA 95126
TEL: 408-267-8484/FAX: 408-267-8489
www.TDCFAMILYLAW.COM


Santa Clara County/San Mateo County San Jose, Santa Clara, Cupertino, Los Altos, Sunnyvale, Los Gatos, Monte Sereno, Saratoga, Palo Alto, Morgan Hill, Gilroy, Redwood City


DIVORCE/CHILD CUSTODY/CHILD VISITATION/CHILD SUPPORT/SPOUSAL SUPPORT/PERSONAL PROPERTY AND REAL PROPERTY DIVISION/CONTEMPT/MODIFICATIONS/DCSS/COURT APPEARANCES/PRIVATE SETTLEMENT JUDGE/EX PARTE MOTIONS/DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/RESTRAINING ORDERS/BUSINESS MATTERS/CONSULTING ATTORNEY IN MEDIATION/ REGISTERED DOMESTIC PARTNERS (RDP) AND SAME SEX MARRIAGES
Website updated and maintained by Boxer Media Services Corp.
  • Home
  • PRACTICE AREAS
    • Divorce
    • Spousal Support
    • Child Support
    • Child Custody
    • Visitation
    • Complex High Asset Divorce
    • Contempt of Court
    • Paternity
    • Mediation Coaching
    • Alternative Dispute Resolution - Mediation and Collaborative Divorce
    • Parenting Coordination
  • Bio
    • Certified Family Law Specialist
    • What to Expect
  • Blog
  • FAQ
    • What does the area of Family Law cover?
    • Things To Do After a Divorce is Finalized
    • Annulment
    • Attorney Fee Awards in California
    • Community Property
    • Difference Between Guardianship and Adoption
    • Difference Between Marriage and Domestic Partnership
    • Difference Between Physical and Legal Custody
    • Divorce Process in California
    • Domestic Violence
    • Go to Court for Spousal or Child Support
    • Legal Grounds for Divorce in California
    • “Move Away” After Divorce
    • No Fault Divorce
    • Parenting Plan
    • Residency Requirements for a Divorce in California
    • Summary Dissolution
    • Supervised Visitation
    • The impact of the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act (TCJA) of 2017 on Divorce
    • What does it mean to have a fiduciary relationship to your spouse?
    • What is a Request for Order Hearing?
  • Resources
  • Contact