You Have To Know Yourself

Most people think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with their own behavior.  If there are problems, they all must be because of your spouse, partner, friend, or family member.  The truth is that no one behaves perfectly in every situation all of the time.  To quote the Bard, to err is human.  Are you able to recognize your own behaviors that may be rubbing people the wrong way?  There are several selfish behaviors that can be having a negative effect on your marriage.  The hard part is that these behaviors can be happening without you even realizing it.

Listening to your spouse

Whether you are discussing your day or having an argument, most people are not listening to what their spouse is saying.  They are already thinking about their response.  The big problem here is that if you don’t listen and really hear what your spouse is saying, your response will not be based on anything that they have said.  You are missing the main points of what your partner is saying.  If you are discussing your day or even something minor, it will seem that you are not listening and are disinterested.  If this happens in an argument, it is then nearly impossible to resolved the issue,  because you are not hearing what your partner is saying.  Communication has to be a 2-way process.  A breakdown in communication is the number one issue leading to couples seeking counseling and eventually splitting.

​Not being open and honest

If you do not talk to your partner about things that are bothering you, then you have no one to blame when things are not changed.  You may be angry about something, but your spouse has absolutely no idea and cannot possibly fix the issue.  You may think that your spouse should just know.  No one can read someone else’s mind.  If something is bothering you, voice your concern.  This goes back to communication being 2-way. If you do not tell your partner something, chances are they do not know that a problem even exists.

Taking things personally

People get stressed.  There are so many different things in our lives that can cause high levels of stress and anxiety and most people tend to internalize their stress.  When people are stressed, they may not be the best version of themselves and people will display selfish behaviors or even be short and come across as angry.  If you take these behaviors personally, and respond in kind, then things can get heated very quickly. Try not to take things personally.  Once, again, communication is key.  Talk to your partner and see what is going in.  Instead of people a victim, you could even be the hero.

Consider your own quirks and mannerisms

Everyone has their own quirks, whether is it a movement, a word, or phrase, or a habit that they picked up along the way, like leaving the toilet seat up.  People are really good at pointing out the things that others do that annoy them.  However, most people are not self-aware enough to realize their own quirks and habits that may be annoying others.
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There is no such thing as a relationship that has no issues.  People, as relationships, are also not perfect.  People get together because there are things that they love about each other.  Over time, there may be things they see that they may not love.  Communication is a vital component to a successful relationship.  Being self-aware is also extremely important.  You can’t put everything on your partner.